Monday, March 17, 2008

Been a while, yeah? Wish I could say it's because I've been fulfilling a Lenten obligation to not use the internet, but it's not. I furthermore wish I could say that I've just been so slammed to the gills with stuff that I haven't had much time to write, and while this may partially be the truth, it doesn't completely gel, so I can't use that excuse either.

No, I've just been.....faltering, as it were. While I try to be a better Catholic, a more "well rounded" Christian, I've been falling short. I've sworn, been short with my family and coworkers, thought ill of others, I've even taken the Lords name once or twice (it just kind of happened, I don't even recall planning to use HIS name). I've repented, made my confession, and still I feel terrible for it. Why would I do that? Why is it all of a sudden becoming difficult for me? I don't understand. You know, I read so and so's blog, and his blog and her blog, and they all seem to have the bloody answers, so sure of whats right and just, and sometimes I think they're just full of it. I honestly have felt lost recently, and it disturbs me. I still have faith, but I can honestly say sometimes I feel like a train wreck.

For instance; Saturday morning @ 10:30 our parish did the annual Easter Egg hunt. My wife had a great deal to do with it,. so she went early to help set up. My job was to bring our boys up to the church for the Hunt, and then head down to coach T-ball. I got to the church at 10:30 to find that the hunt had already begun, and that my children had almost missed it., I was mad. I felt like it was wrong of them to start the easter egg hunt on-or earlier than- 10:30, because for all the stuff my wife does for that church, i felt like they could cut us a little slack, just once. She teaches at the pre-school, she does faith formation, runs the vacation bible school and is head of the womens group. she constantly has to buy stuff for her students in order to make the class more enjoyable and fun, and quite frankly, I feel as if they get so much of her time -our time- that they could at the very least wait a few extra minutes on a lousy Easter egg hunt.

Why am I so mad? I'm not mad at "The Church", but I am mad at some of the admin people at my parish. What in the hell is wrong with me? Why, in the midst of this time of times, am I letting things enrage me so? I just don't understand....

1 comment:

Tausign said...

It's the weight of the cross. Carrying the cross is much more difficult than merely reading and pondering about carrying the cross.